I Know I Don't Know You Know Me

I’ve come to the swift kick in the ass revelation that I need to stop worrying when complete strangers recognize me. Now days, not many things make me react in utter disbelief or pause to the point I don’t know what to say . . . except when someone says “you’re . . . .” or “is your last name . . . . ?” Seriously, how do all these people know who I am? Do I look like a celebrity?

I think I have decent memory so I can at least recognize people who I’ve met, but when people I’ve never met know my siblings or know where I went to school, it just makes me stop talking and start thinking “how does this person know?” That stops me from saying anything and destroys the entire interaction. I freeze up not knowing what to do. Worse is that this has been happening more and more over the past two years.

I think I just need to be comfortable with being a Z-list celebrity and not think anything of it when I walk into a bar and girls stare at me with a “I know that guy” look.

(The title is not supposed to make sense, I just thought it was a cool brain twister)

Rudolph is a Song about Social Proof

Ever notice that Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is really just a song about social proof? Get the leader of the group to like you and all the minions will follow.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!

Dirty Wall-E

If you haven't seen Wall-E you're really missing out.

I was at Toys R Us and I saw this awesome Wall-E toy. It's only two inches tall, but I had to have it. Problem was that Wall-E is supposed to be dirty, really dirty, like filthy dealing with trash for hundreds of years and never cleaned dirty. The toy though, just made him a little dirty.


Nothing a little brown, gray, and white spray paint can't fix:


Buy you're very own Wall-E here. If you want a dirty "Wall-E," you're going to have to dirty him youself.

Do Me A Favor and Make Me Some Money

Dear both my loyal readers,

Can you do me a big favor and click on my ads? Scroll to the bottom of this screen and click on those gray boxes until your mouse breaks. Then send me your broken mouse and I’ll send you back something equally as useless.

I promise to use all the money I make from ad-clicks for beer, lap dances, and bail. Also, if you buy something from one of my Amazon links, use my links; that should help me post up bail for one of ya’ll.

Thanks

Nobody From High School Recognizes Me: is that such a bad thing?

Christmas means many things: no parking at the mall, lights around random trees, that dude jingling a bell in front of half the stores in town, and most of all, punk ass classmates you vaguely remember who are in town visiting their family.

I used to get pissed when nobody remembered me. It’s not like I was the guy who didn’t do anything. Lots of people knew me so I knew it wasn’t a matter of not knowing me when I graduated. I then thought about it and realized that I grew since high school, I cut my hair, and I now dress differently. From what I’ve been told though, my face looks exactly the same . . . but Asian guys in Hawaii are about as plentiful as thongs on the beaches of Rio.

I also have a better than average memory of people in high school, so maybe I remember people better than other people remember others.

After much contemplating, I said “fuck it, let people not recognize me.” I just didn’t care. Later, I learned I could have fun with it. For one of my reunions I purposely did not wear a name tag so I could laugh as people racked their brains trying to remember me. (yeah I have a warped sense of humor).

I then realized that when someone doesn’t remember me, it allows me to start fresh. In their eyes, I’m like a person they just met instead of the nerd I was in high school. But from my perspective, I have decent idea of what the person is like, who they are, and what they’ve done. I have the knowledge-advantage of a stalker, but without being an actual stalker. Most of the time though, I just act like I don’t know anything about my old classmate because I’m afraid getting anywhere near stalker territory.

So don’t view the “hot girl” from high school not remember you as a bad thing. Think of it as a positive, a positive that she doesn't see you as the geek you used to be and that you probably look better and have matured. Then, take the opportunity to start fresh with her.

Arrrrr, Pirates

It’s no secret that BitTorrent makes a lot of information freely available to anyone with an internet connection and a little patience. It’s also no secret that a lot of pickup material is available for free off BitTorrent, material that normally costs hundreds of dollars.

What is not so known is that (so far as I know) no pickup guru has ever sued anyone for downloading his or her material for free.

I’ve also heard that the chances of getting sued from RIAA, MPAA, or anyone enforcing their copyright rights for illegally downloading or sharing files is less than winning the lottery. Yes, someone has a better chance at winning the lottery than getting caught sharing/downloading files. I’ve also tried to search for people who used BitTorrent (instead of another peer 2 peer network) and got sued, but I couldn’t find any.

With this said, if you’re going to be a pirate, don’t rely entirely on the odds. Rather, be a safer pirate and use Peer Guardian 2. Peer Guardian 2 is a program used with a torrent application. It blocks the IP addresses of RIAA, MPAA, the government, and about trazillion others who are pissed that their hard work is being spread across the internet without a dime of compensation passed to them.

Peer Guardian 2 is not perfect, but neither are pirates. Download it for free here.

And go buy the real thing, because I know a lot of starving artists.

Cajun's Advanced Body Language

A while ago, Cajun from Love Systems wrote a blog entry titled Advanced Body Language. He recommends: (1) move and speak slowly, (2) poeticize your presence, and (3) emphasize your sexuality. In other words, be more like a retard.

I’ve been trying it for the past few weeks and I think he’s right. For people suffering from “too high energy,” I think this is a big step in the right direction.

Read it here.

Shoot Like a ummmm errr . . . . you know

When I was 12, my dad's friend gave me a clear gun that shot gooey green ooze. I had to pull the red rod back, pull the trigger, and a teaspoon of green ooze shot out about 20 feet. I can't remember what it was called, but everyone in my family thought it was gross.

This modern day white ooze makes me laugh and gag at the same time. Get it on Amazon.

I <3 Juilianne Hough

I don’t watch Dancing With the Stars, I don’t like dancing, and I don’t really like stars; heck, I don’t normally go for blonde s either, but Juilianne Hough . . . oh my.


I wonder what she's looking at.

The Mostest Awesomest Flash Drive EvAr

Think Geek has the Hacked And Frayed Spy Flash Drive which is just a regular USB flash drive made to look like cut USB cord.

Pull it out, plug it into your laptop, and watch people scratch their heads wondering what you're doing.

The price of $29.99 for 2GB is a tad expensive, but where it lacks storage space, it makes up for in fun.

Buy it here.