The Close Minded People and Validation Dicotomy

Never seek validation from convincing someone of a belief they refuse to hold. Rather, seek validation from the ideal presentation of arguments and do not rely upon the outcome to determine if you should be validated.

What the fuck does this mean? Often times people seek to logically convince others of their own beliefs. The advocates often subtly believe that if they can convince their opponents of a particular idea, then the advocate will have done his job. In other words, people think “When I convince him of idea X, it will make me feel better and will show that I’m a better person.”

This thought process is a recipe for failure and frustration.

So, for work, I have this project that I’m working on and there’s this other guy in another company that we sort of have to work with and against at the same time. Put simply, I have my ideas of what his right (which are supported by my opponents own facts) and my opponent has his own ideas which make absolutely no sense. Needless to say, I’m immensely frustrated. We recently presented to a neutral decision maker and I pointed out the inaccuracies of my opponent’s arguments and cited the necessary information.

All this time, I kept thinking “if I can just convince him (my opponent) that he’s wrong, it will show that I’m right, which (although at the time I didn’t quite realize it) will validate me.”

At the end of the day I went home frustrated and confused—although no decision or inclination of one had been made.

Sitting in bed I realized that I’ll never be able to convince my opponent that he was wrong. Even if the neutral decision maker completely sides with me, my opponent will not change his beliefs.

This made me question why am I seeking to validate myself and prove my skills by doing the impossible?

It’s like the kid said in The Matrix, “Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth. . . . There is no spoon.” I’ve been trying to bend the spoon, while I should have just been trying to realize the truth.

Seek validation from presenting and arguing in the best possible way, from convincing the real decision makers that you are right, and from leaving your blinded opponents on the side with their own ideas intact.

Uncontacted People Have Been Contacted

Apparently, uncontacted Indians still exist. In the forests of Brazil there are groups of people who have never had any contact with the modern/outside world. As it would appear, there has been some controversy on whether these people exist. Thus, to prove their existence, Uncontacted Tribes Expert José Carlos dos Reis Meirelles Júnior flew over their territory and took pictures.

As can be seen in this picture, the people are very aware of the “giant flying bird.”


Meirelles said “We did the overflight to show their houses, to show they are there, to show they exist.”

Translation: we made contact with these people to prove that uncontacted people exist.

Good job in killing your job security, genius.

Party Contributions for Cheap Asses

Social etiquette says that people should always show up to a party with something. It can be food, alcohol, or maybe a gift for the host. In nearly every instance food and alcohol are entirely appropriate.

If you’re a cheap ass like me, but don’t want to roll in with the Yellow Tail (aka $5 wine), here’s are some ideas:

The best way to build a giant stock of party contributions is to have your own party. People often bring alcohol and rarely does it get opened. Store the liquid well and you’ll have a nearly endless supply of party contributions.

Refilling Bottles
What if the bottles are half used? Well, if they’re hard alcohol you can fill them up. Aight, don’t be ghetto and pour Skyy into the Grey Goose bottle, but I see no reason why combing two half Grey Goose bottles into one full bottle is wrong. Roll in with a full bottle of Grey Goose and no one will notice that the seal has been removed. Heck, as soon as you put it on the bar, “open” it and make yourself a drink. No one will ever know you pulled a refill.

Other refill options include buying the 1750 mL versions from Costco and using those to refill empty or partially empty 750mL bottles. Again, don’t be a cheapskate and mix brands.

Soybeans
For those looking for a more “homemade” effort I recommend soybeans. In Hawaii, at least, soybeans are an immensely popular snack. Not only are they healthy, but they’re also cheap as hell to make. Directions: go to store, buy two 1 pound bags of frozen soybeans ($1 each), boil, salt, put in a disposable tray, bring to party. Total cost: $2!!!

The beauty of this is that most people buy cooked soybeans which are four or five times the cost.

The Most Awesomest Dip EvAr
I’m going to give you the greatest dip recipe ever. Girls literally get wet when they eat this. I’ve lost count on how many people have asked me for this recipe. This is the greatest clam dip recipe ever made:

Mix 1 can of clams (6.5 ounces) (liquid and all) with 1 brick of cream cheese (8 ounces). Serve with chips.Yeah, that’s it. Simplest thing ever. Note, mixing make take a few minutes so don’t freak out when it doesn’t look right at first. Also, don’t over mix. Total cost of clams, cheese, and chips: about $7.

And there you have it, three amazingly simple things to bring to parties that won’t break the bank, but will still impress everybody.

Mavens, Connectors, Salesmen, and a Social Catalyst

Malcom Gladwell’s The Tipping Point is another one of those randomly awesome books with so much information, most people will need to read it multiple times.

A few years ago I read it and just recently, I woke up and realized “I am a connector.”

Let’s rewind, Gladwell says that social epidemics (changes within society) require three types of people: Mavens, Connectors and Salesmen.

Maven are “information specialists,” people who gather and have information and who can also share it with others.

Salesmen are charismatic people who have powerful negotiation skills and intangible characteristics that make people want to listen to them.

Connectors are people who bring people together. If you think about, nearly all the people you know are due to some other person. Maybe it was a friend of a friend, an introduction, or some tacit certification that “this guy’s cool.” Maybe someone said, “oh you’re going to Chicago, you gotta party with my buddy Jeff. Let me call him and set you guys up!” or “I know Rob through Will.” Looking an the meetings even more carefully will show that the vast majority of people you know are actually due to select few individuals. Maybe Albert introduced you to Bill who then introduced you to fifty other people. Bill is a connector. I think about 80% of the people I know outside of school and work are due to about 15 connectors.

Not everyone can be a maven, salesmen, or connector; these people are rare.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tipping_Point_%28book%29

I think most guys who learn pickup begin as Mavens. Up until a few years ago, only information junkies could actually discover the seduction community. Most pua mavens would read the books, blogs, and other materials. They would share it with others in the hopes of improving themselves.

Some, I think, evolved to Salesmen. They gained competence and skill, got laid like rock stars, and even became instructors.

I though woke up a few days ago and realized “holy shit, I’m a connector!” I looked back at the friends I had made and then realized that they all had become friends because of me. I was the binding force. I looked back at all the hook ups and patted myself on the back. I brought these people together.

And I think that’s what “the community” needs to do for the rest of the world. The community needs to place less emphasis on getting laid (believe me, there’s plenty to spare) and needs to work on developing connections for others. I read so many PUA expert blogs about the guru instructors don’t have any female friends. Seriously, how mis-wired does a guy’s brain need to be to have zero female friends?

Fact of the matter is that most guys won’t learn pickup and most PUA guys don’t know what to do with the excess girls they’re not interested in. And that’s how connectors come in to place. Think of it as “giving back,” becoming the binding force in a party, or simply the “social catalyst.” Some people might see value as being able to elevate oneself, maximum value though is being able to elevate everyone.

I've Created A Monster

I think my girlfriend is becoming immune to me ripping on her. I used to say funny mean things (kinda cocky-funny) to her and she’d snarl. Now though she’s really good at ripping me back:

So she calls me today (Tuesday) at 1:30 p.m.

Her: what chu doing?

Me: um, working.

Her: really??? No WAY!! (in the most sarcastic tone evAr)

Me: Actually, I skipped work to hang out with my other girlfriend. Oh wait, she told me to say hi.

Her: hahhaahah funny!! Well, tell her I said hi back and she’d better step up her threesome skillz! That limp fish shit ain’t gonna cut it anymore!

And at that point I was totally speechless.

I better hold on to this one cause (1) I really don’t want to train a whole ‘nother girl and (2) her next boyfriend is gonna kick my ass.

Call Girls and Callgirls, no, not like that!

My curiosity began with a casual reading of Diary of a Dfmer (invited readers only). It then somehow lead me to Confessions of A College Callgirl, which helped me stumble upon the Showtime series Secret Diaries of a Call Girl. (yes, some are "Callgirls" and some are "Call Girls")

While I’m still very much against paying for sex on a whole multitude of reasons, that doesn’t prevent me from studying people with the ultimate abundance mentality.

For those who missed the first season of Secret Diaries of a Call Girl, you missed out on yet another great freshman show. As you can imagine, the show is exactly what the title describes and the ultimate study of Belle de Jour, a girl who can have anyone, who gets what she wants and struggles through the world like the rest of us. Here’s the trailer:



I have no idea whether the show is accurate or not, but it seems a decent place to start if you’re interesting in learning how to pickup the most difficult of women.

Secret Diaries of a Call Girl season 2 premiers Monday June 16 at 10:30 p.m. on Showtime.

Is Gin is Dead?

I’ve had at least a dozen parties in the past two years. Dozens of empty vodka bottles have lined my recycling pile: Absolute, Grey Goose, Sky, Ketel One, and Smirnoff. I even had a martini party where nobody drank beer. Interesting, throughout nights of drunken chaos, no one seems to drink the gin.

Two years ago, I went to Costco and bought a 1.75 L bottle of Bombay Sapphire. Here’s a current picture:


The red line is the gin level. I estimate that it’s been poured two or three times.

Have people stopped drinking gin? Is vodka now the hard alcohol of choice for our generation?

I think gin makers have been start marketing just a little harder.

Kobe Jumps Pool of Snakes

You can look at this two ways: (1) Kobe is so high value, why would he do this? or (2) This is why people like Kobe so much: because he's so super high value, he can do this stuff for fun and for himself; not to qualify or prove himself to other people.

Frame Control - Jamie Foxx Destroys Doug Williams

This is an old video, but still very funny and informative on frame control. Watch it all the way through and you will be greatly rewarded.

Randomly Funny Picture

The Ultimate List of PUA Blogs

I cleaned up the PUA links, separated out blog links of "my people" and even added another section for randomly awesome sites.

This may not be the best PUA blog out there, but at least I can try to make it have the best list of PUA blogs.

I also didn't add blogs that haven't been recently updated.

If you want your blog added, just shoot me an e-mail.

Oh yeah, just because I added a blog to my list doesn't mean I agree, endorse, or have even read it.

Burn Notice

For those who missed the first season of Burn Notice, sucks to be you. Fortunately, it's available on Amazon right here.

In Burn Notice, Jeffrey Donovan plays Michael Weston, a covert operative who has been "burned," i.e., tagged as an unreliable/dangerous agent. The show takes place in Miami where Weston divides his time trying to find the people who burned him and helping nice people in trouble—kinda like MacGyver.

After watching the show, I realized that Weston is extremely alpha. He is:

Always calm.

Always looks like he has the situation under control (even though he doesn’t)

Only use violence when he has no other choice

Speaks slowly

Never raises his voice

Never loses his focus

Rarely does he explain why, he just says things and people do it

He has a wealth of knowledge, but only presents knowledge that is directly relevant and necessary to the immediate situation

Never backs down and is not afraid of anyone.

Until then: Season 2 of Burn Notice premieres July 10, 2008 on USA.

Here's a clip:

Facebook Ex Collection is Complete

Just a little update for ya’ll. I completed my facebook ex collection. The last one was a little tricky in that I had to ask her to be my friend. Inconceivable!! After she added me, she said she went through my friends and saw a bunch of my other ex’s. I told her she should make a group and we laughed.

The Book List

These are some of the books I’ve read in the past two years. At first I was embarrassed that this list is so short and then I realized that not all my I’ve read books are here. These are just the books I thought were good enough to recommend to other people. I’ve read some serious crap in the past few years and I’m going to save everyone trouble by just not listing those books.

Anyway, these are 12 books I recommend, presented in the order that I read them:

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell

The World is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century by Thomas L. Friedman

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

Broken Trust: Greed, Mismanagement, And Political Manipulation at America's Largest Charitable Trust by Samuel P. King and Randall W. Roth

Fight Club: A Novel by Chuck Palahniuk

The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire by David Deida

Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss

All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan

Check Out My Links List

I just dropped a massive nuclear spider link dump for blogs I like/read/try to read/just like the titles.

Make sure to check them out.

Do Things For Yourself, Not To Impress Other People

So I went out and bought my big ass TV: 52” LCD. Yeah, 52” is far bigger than I really needed, but purely awesome on a cosmic scale. Planet Earth at 1080p is almost as good as watching the lions take down the elephant live.

I then spent the next two weeks building a stand: solid wood, connected by biscuits so absolutely no sign of any nails. I stained it and dumped five coats of polyurethane on it. I am pretty proud.

Ultimately though, I thought I’d impress people with it. But somehow, people were more impressed with my TV stand than the actual TV.

This sort of led me to realize that part of the reason I got my TV was to impress other people—and that’s just retarded.

I should have bought the TV for myself. If people like it, then good for them, if not, then why do I care. If people don’t even notice the TV, then I’m no loss.

I realized that if I buy things and improve myself for the sake of impressing other people, then that’ll just leave me empty inside. If I do things for the sake of getting complements, which in turn will make me feel good (and possibly improve my confidence), then how will I feel when I stop receiving complements? Answer: my confidence and self worth will go down.

Now, on the other hand, if I buy things and improve myself because I want to and I do it with complete disregard for the potential complements, then when those complements don’t come I don’t lose self worth.

Moreover, if someone buys things to impress other people, it will show as value seeking, and that mentality is a major demonstration of lower value.

How Election 2008 Will Go Down

In exactly six months, all the dust from the 2008 Presidential election will have just settled and we’ll know whether our next President is a John, a Barack, or a Hillary.

Lately, assuming Obama does win the democratic nomination, I’ve been trying to figure out how he’d beat McCain.

This is how I figure: Obama will win all the states that Kerry won (with the exception of New Hampshire) plus Iowa, New Mexico, Nevada, and one more. I’m going to go out on a limb and say Obama can win this election without Ohio.

First things first, let’s figure out what states Obama is going to win for sure: Illinois (his home state), Hawaii (his other home state), Washington, Oregon, California, Minnesota, Michigan, Maine, Vermont, New York, Washington DC, Maryland, Delaware, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts. Total: 202 Electoral College votes (270 needed to win).

The “probably will win” states are: Pennsylvania (21), New Jersey (15), Wisconsin (10) and Iowa (7). Recent polls have Obama leading McCain (in Obama v. McCain) in these states. 53 more electoral college votes for a total of 255

Next up: New Mexico (5), and Nevada (5). Recall that Bush 2004 barely won New Mexico (0.79%) and Nevada (2.59%). So the Democrats have a chance. If New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson becomes the VEEP candidate, then NM is a shoe in (however as much I’d love to see an Obama-Richardson ticket, I don’t think Richardson is needed to win New Mexico). And the every increasingly liberal Nevada will probably swing blue this time. Running total: 265 But even with these two states, the Punahou graduate is still 5 vote short of the necessary 270 to win.

And that’s where the fun begins. Recent polls show McCain over Obama in swing states Ohio and Florida, so I’ll just give those to the guy with the Cougar wife.

So what’s left? Colorado. Yup, I say that Colorado must go blue for Obama to win. Yes, Colorado hasn’t gone Democrat since 1992, but recent polls show Obama with a slight lead in the state that cheers for the Broncos and the Rockies.

So let’s recap: Obama needs to win: Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Wisconsin, and Iowa—which he seems like he will. He then needs to pull wins out of Colorado (likely) and eek out wins in Nevada and New Mexico.

And that’s how the election will be won.

Facebook is Getting Out of Hand

My ex-girlfriend Facebook friend collection is nearly complete. Yes, nearly every single ex-girlfriend of mine is now my “friend” on Facebook. What kind of madness is this?!!??!!?

Now don’t go thinking I created this tornado of chaos, no I just sat by and let it happen.

Let’s rewind: hardly a week goes by where at least four people want to be my facebook-friend. Fortunately, I actually know all of these people; it just so happens that everyone and their ex-girlfriend is joining “the book.”

Slowly, I happened to get requests from my Ex’s and being the nice guy I am, I approve their requests. Interestingly, they conveniently seem to be “in a relationship” AND they have a picture of their boyfriend in their picture. Fascinating. Are they as hot as me? Who cares?!

A few days ago, I looked at my friends and then realized, wow, I think I almost have a complete ex collection. So I search for the last one—not surprisingly she’s on—and I send her a friend request. She has yet to respond.

Facebook is madness, I like the “underground” of myspace soooo much